By Destiny Nixton
(Sexual Purity Strategist)
What is Self-esteem?
Self-esteem according to the
Merriam-Webster dictionary is described as a feeling of having respect for
yourself and your abilities. The
secondary definition is [having] confidence and satisfaction in oneself or self-respect.
Oftentimes, we only think of
self-esteem in terms of being satisfied with your physical appearance and
having a sense of love for yourself.
Yet, we neglect the most important part of the definition, being
respectful to ourselves.
Let’s look deeper into the word “respect.” One key definition of respect is “to treat or
deal with something that is good or valuable in a proper way.” A secondary definition when respect is used
as a verb is ‘to regard someone or something as being worthy of admiration
because of good qualities’.
Many individuals possess low self-esteem; consequently, they feel
unworthy, inadequate, unimportant, average etc.
Some people are aware that they harbor ill feelings towards themselves,
but for others, these feelings may be subconscious. Conversely, others may possess overly high
self-esteem, which may also be described as arrogance or conceit (discussed in
the following blog).
How does this relate to Sexual Purity?
The way you feel about yourself,
whether it’s a feeling of unworthiness or cockiness, can have major negative
impacts on living a sexually pure lifestyle.
Let’s shift our focus specifically
on low self-esteem. I am very familiar
with this aspect of self-esteem because I suffered from low self-esteem the
majority of my life and am working diligently to reaffirm my image based on how
God sees me.
So,
what does God really think about us?
Isaiah 43:4 states, “Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you
are precious to me. You are honored, and
I love you (NLT).”
God said we are precious to
Him. Notice the word-choice, “precious.”
It’s not that we are SPECIAL to God; but we are PRECIOUS to him.
Something that is special to you is
considered special based on your sentiments towards the person who gave you the
gift. If your feelings about the
gift-giver change to negative feelings, then the gift is no longer special to
you. However, because we are precious to
God, our value to Him does not decrease based on your behavior towards
Him. Whether you are operation in
obedience or disobedience, you were still precious enough to Him for Him to
allow his Son to die for you.
Consider a
diamond:
A diamond is a precious stone. It
holds value whether it is still in a mine or in a jewelry store. The jeweler does not decide whether the
diamond has value. The diamond is
valuable even before it is sold; humans merely sell it based on its natural
value. We are like God’s diamonds.
Just how precious are we to God?
“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only son,
so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life
(John 3:16).”
If we are that precious to him that
he would sacrifice his only Son, why should we ever feel unimportant or
inadequate?
So, How Does it impact on Sexual Purity?
If you allow the enemy to make us
feel less valuable than what God has already told you that you are, it gives
Satan the opportunity to manipulate you in several different ways.
We live in an overly sexualized
society. The enemy can cause you to believe that you will never meet anyone who
will genuinely love you if you live a pure lifestyle. Satan can manipulate you into believing that
you will not fit in or be accepted into society because you are living against
societal norms. He can manipulate you
into believing that the only way to show someone that you love him or her or to
make someone love you is to engage in sexual activity with the individual.
Don’t let the enemy deceive
you.
God’s word says, “Then he said unto them, ‘you like to appear righteous public, but
God knows your hearts. What this world
honors is detestable in the sight of God’” (Luke 16:15).
Therefore, just because society says
that premarital sex is now a norm and acceptable, as a believer, you are
commanded to live above societal standards.
Knowing these things, always
remember that God created human beings in his own image (Genesis 1:27). So, regardless of what people say about you
or what the enemy tries to trick you into believing, remember that He made you
to be like Him, thus HE LOVES YOU; YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL; YOU ARE WORTHY; YOU ARE
IMPORTANT.
Warning against
Arrogance and Self-conceit
Arrogance and
conceit, overly high self-esteem, can be just as damaging to a sexually pure
lifestyle as low self-esteem.
Matthew 16:24 states, “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If any of
you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your
cross, and follow me.”
We are Christ’s disciples and allowing our
flesh to rise up and cause us to engage in masturbation, sexual intercourse, or
any other sexual activities is a selfish act.
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as
this one does. For sexual immorality is
a sin against your own body. Don’t you
realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was
given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a
high price. So you must honor God with
your body” (1Corinthians 6:18-20).
Arrogance can allow you to think
that you are above God’s judgment, or for those who have been walking in
purity, arrogance can cause you to open sexual doorways that can ultimately
lead to you engaging in a sexually immoral act.
Romans 12:3 warns us against thinking more highly of ourselves than
we should.
For instance, you may be in a
courtship for nearly a year and have been successful in remaining pure, but
because you have become prideful you believe that you can invite your mate over
to your home for a date. Due to the
intimate setting and no chaperone, you and your mate engage in an inappropriate
touching. Your arrogance caused you to
put yourself in a situation to be tempted and fall victim to temptation.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ
Jesus. And because you belong to him,
the power of the life-giving spirit has freed you from the power of sin that
leads to death” (Romans 8:1-2).
Through God’s power that is granted
to us by way of the Holy Spirit, we have the ability to break the chains of low
or overly high self-esteem.
Helpful Tips
When it comes to sexual morality and
self-esteem, these are a few of the best ways to combat these negative spirits.
1.
Read and
meditate on God’s word to develop confidence in why it’s important to abstain
from sexual sin and to be certain of how precious you are in God’s sight.
2.
Develop a
relationship with God to afford Him the opportunity to reaffirm his love for
you.
3.
When you are
feeling weak or are being tempted, TAP INTO GOD’S POWER! Pray to God and ask
him to help you resist temptation.
4.
SPEAK OVER
YOURSELF! Your words have power! Tell yourself that you are beautiful, humble,
important to God, loved by God, and more than a conqueror. YOU ARE AUTHENTICALLY YOU AND THEREFORE ARE
PRECIOUS TO GOD!
Always remember, self-esteem depends
on you. It is your job to live yourself
and respect yourself, just as God loves us.
(Edited by Rufus E. Yamoah, Sexual Morality Counselor)
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