How to Handle Courtship and Sexual Purity

 

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” –Hebrews 13:4

What is Courtship?

Here are some meanings I researched:

1.    Courtship is a period set apart by spouses in order to try to win the affections of each other with a view to marriage.

2.     Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God's will for them to marry each other.

3.    Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind.

4.    Courtship is a word that has been adopted to describe a biblical model for the relationship leading up to marriage. In the Bible, the parents were always involved in the marriage process.

If you observe these four definitions closely, you will find out that the word ‘marriage’ is spelled out.

This implies that in the relationship of courtship there must be a marriage plan in place.

It this I say, ‘Courtship is the period of preparation towards getting married to the person you are engaged to.

The Power of Purpose

Dr. Myles Munroe gave a profound truth: “When a purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”.

The purpose courtship has been badly abused by the 21^st century youth and even Christians inclusive.

Today, the value of courtship has depreciated because of lack of purpose.

The purpose of this article is not to teach you the purpose of courtship, but to teach you how to handle sexual issues during courtship. (To read about the purpose of courtship, please read this article posted at BELOVEDHEART.NET. CLICK HERE)

One thing is clear; whatever the purpose courtship may be…you must have this in mind as your enter into courtship>>>

COURTSHIP IS NOT A PERIOD OF SEXUAL EXPERIMENT, ADVENTURE OR EXPLORATION.

The Challenge of Courtship

In the period of courtship, couples are confronted with several challenges.

All of challenges that takes place during courtship; the greatest challenge is the issue of maintaining sexual purity during the period of courtship.

Sexual immorality is the number one issue that is destroying the success of courtship in our society, church and world today.

There is Something You Must Know…

Sexual Purity in courtship must be your major goal in your relationship.

You must not compromise this because of the excitement of getting married to your fiancé/fiancée.

Your relationship is not for personal pleasure; it is for the purpose of fulfilling the plan of God for your life on earth.

Marriage is an honorable institution created by God for mankind; Courtship must be treated with respect, value and honor also. It must never be taken for granted.

I want to share some few thought with you…

How to Maintain Sexual Purity during Courtship

1.      Discover the purpose of courtship and why you need to enter one.

2.      Change your mindset: A lot of people believe that sexual purity cannot be maintained any longer as soon as people enter into courtship. This notion is not true. Sexual purity in courtship is very possible. Faith is essential in order to attain sexual purity.

3.      Sex is not Love: Of course, by now, I hope you are not one of those with the popular belief that ‘sex is love’. Please it is not and never can it be. Courtship is not a time to show your partner much you can be good in bed or how much you love him/her by giving sexual fulfillment. Beware of this idea if you want to lay a very solid foundation for your marriage.

4.      Avoid too long courtship: Listen when a courtship becomes too long, the value of the relationship begins to depreciate. This can open door to sexual immorality. A lot of people have fallen victims of sexual promiscuity because of issue.

5.      Avoid Sexual Play trap: Every time I receive questions from people, asking me if it is right for people who want to get married to engage in kissing and romancing. We all have to be wise, smart and sensitive when it comes to sexual issue. You must never make provision or invite the devil to come to tempt or lead you into sexual immorality. Sexual play is a very dangerous game. If you really value sexual purity, you must beware of the game of romancing and kissing.

6.      Don’t Engage an Unbeliever: What I mean is this: do not plan to marry or enter into courtship with any person who has no relationship with Jesus Christ, if you want to maintain sexual purity. This is where many people missed it! You may want to be sexual pure, but the question is, ‘Is your spouse also interested in your desire for purity? Can two walk except they have an agreement? NO! When there is a disagreement of purity-priority in your courtship, you may likely want to compromise to the pressure of your partner in order to make him/her happy.

7.      Avoid Living Together: This is a serious issue. So many courtships cannot be differentiated from marriage due to some practices people engaged in. One perfect example that is common today is, couples living together when they are not married. This is not right. This practice has posted one of the greatest challenges of sexual purity in courtship. No long sermon. If you want to live in sexual purity while in courtship, please eradicate or stop the idea and act of living together with the person you are engaged to marry when the two of you are not yet married. Remember: Courtship is not Marriage; Introduction also is not!

8.      Try to make vows together on purity. This formula is very powerful. When couples agree that they will protect each other and preserve their dignity and purity before they get married, it is very easy for them to overcome sexual temptation when it comes.

9.      Avoid indecent dressing when visiting your partner. Indecent dressings can open door for seducing spirit to creep in and cause sexual disgrace.

10.  Spend time to engage in spiritual exercise (e.g. studying and praying together), rather than talking much about your sex life.

11.  Avoid idleness. You should go and find something meaningful to do instead of spending 24/7 with your spouse. Both of you are not married, so shouldn’t be together all the time. This can open door to sexual temptation and pressure. Remember: An idle man is the devil’s workshop.

12.  Avoid negative practices like taking hard drugs together, drinking heavy alcoholic drinks together, going to night club and hotel together. Some of these practices can lead to sexual addiction and destruction.

13.  Always spend time to watch and pray so that you do not fall prey to lust.

These principles and wisdom I have shared with you are very powerful. You must practice them.

You can maintain sexual purity in courtship.

To your victory and walk in sexual purity

Rufus E. Yamoah

Sexual Purity Strategist