Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Concept of Celibacy and Sexual Purity



(Note: This article is based on the interview I had with Destiny Nixton, the story of an American Lady how she was delivered from sexual bondage and today she is now a sexual purity strategist and counselor).
To watch the video interview CLICK HERE


1.       Give a brief introduction about yourself and your background.
I, Destiny Nixon, was born in Lincolnton, NC on September 9, 1990 to Pamela Kone’ and David Nixon Jr.  I am my father’s youngest child and my mother’s only daughter.  Altogether, I have four siblings.  On May 12, 2012, I graduated from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte where I obtained a Bachelor’s of Arts degree in Communications Studies and a minor in Journalism.  I love writing, but I am a poet by nature.
I have been a member of Second Calvary Baptist Church since I was in seventh grade.  I have been involved in a host of ministries throughout my membership and have been saved since I can remember. However, my love for God and salvation did not transcend all areas of my life because I had not made it a habit to nurture my relationship with God.  I rarely read the bible or prayed and oftentimes only made it a point to spend time with God on Sunday mornings and during ministry meetings.
Although I was saved and established in a bible-based church, the lack of a personal relationship with God led me into a lifestyle of low self-esteem, promiscuity, poor decision-making, chaos, and turmoil.  I wanted to commit suicide several times because I was tired of the drama, tired of the turmoil, tired of fighting, tired of crying, tired of trying everything but getting little to no results.  I tried, what I thought was every other option: people, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, premarital sex to fill voids that developed overtime with the root of the problems beginning with my family.
By my 24th birthday, I’d contracted an STD five times, luckily it was stuff a pill could get rid of, I had been cheated on by two bi-curious males, I had been raped, I was a divorcee, and was betrayed by a best friend who helped me through all of the previously mentioned issues.  I had been crying out for help for 24 years, but God never forgot about me.  In February 2015, I finally told God that I’m willing to live a life that is pleasing to him, but I didn’t know how to do it.  God answered me and told me that all he has ever wanted from me was willingness. Since then, God has drastically changed my entire being and because of his faithfulness and mercy towards me, I will never go back to the old me.
2.       Why did I choose to be celibate (do I want to be unmarried or just sexually pure)? Was my choice to be celibate a personal decision or a call by God?
This is a very tricky question for me because I feel like God had been convicting me since I lost my virginity, and when I doubted the conviction or tired to justify the sin I was committing, I was disciplined or fuel was added to the fire by Satan. I caught Chlamydia four times and Trichomoniasis once; although, I didn't have unprotected sex all of the time, tried to make sure I knew my partners’ sexual history, and was monogamous.  With that being said, I just can't say that those things were a coincidence especially knowing people who have had what I would consider as a more risky lifestyle who hadn't had an STD. I believe that I wasn't listening and God had been calling me to a life of purity all along.  In my story it talks about how many times I tried to be celibate and one time was even ruined by me being raped. I was never really comfortable in fornication and masturbation.  It was always on my heart to live a sexually pure lifestyle, but I could never figure out how to control my flesh. A prophet recently told me within the last few months that God revealed to her that I was fighting the principalities, the spirit of lust. It wasn't until then that I was able to realize that I wasn't winning the battle because I was engaged in a spiritual war trying to use human tactics and expecting to be victorious. 
3.       Does someone have to become celibate to become sexually pure?
It is my personal opinion based on my experiences that we are born sexually pure, but the purity can become tainted because we are born into sin.  Therefore, society warps our perception of sexuality and sexual purity.  Society has manipulated us into believing that is impossible to abstain from sexual activity until marriage, not because it is physically impossible (because it is not) but because society has made abstinence unpopular and unattractive. Society has taught us that because we are born with the physical parts and natural desires, we do not have control over it and in that case it’s okay to have premarital sex because there’s no telling when or if you will marry.  It is taught that the biblical ways are “outdated” and cannot be relevant in today’s society.  This is a flawed way of thinking. But to fully answer the question, I believe if you have engaged in ANY type of sexual activity (not just sexual intercourse) you have to overcome all of those things in order to be considered sexually pure.  I did not have sexual intercourse for about six months the last time I tried to be celibate, but I was still engaging in oral sex and occasional masturbation (which ultimately led to me engaging in intercourse). In that case I was just abstaining from intercourse; in my eyes I was not sexually pure.
4.       Do people who are celibate have sexual urges?
I just started the journey to sexual purity the correct way in February 2015, meaning I no longer engage in ANY form of sexual activity and depend wholehearted on God to continue to help me overcome sexual immorality. Prior to that change, I had urges regularly, especially within the first two to three weeks of celibacy.  That would lead to me engaging in masturbation or other sexual activities even if I didn’t have intercourse. Since I started practicing celibacy correctly, I had not had any urges until I started openly speaking against sexual immorality and encouraging others to abstain.  Due to that fact, I believe that the urges were not my body’s natural reaction to anything in particular, but due to the devil trying to tempt me.  I believe that the beginning of the process is always the hardest, and just like any other addiction or “bad habit” everyone is different.  So just like our relationship with God is unique, I believe that everyone’s experience with celibacy will be as well.   Some may have urges and others may not, but in any case God is able to keep us from falling. 
1 Corinthians 10:13 “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure”.
5.       What are the benefits of being celibate?
The first benefit and most important benefit of celibacy is being closer to God and finding more favor with him because you are actively trying to live in a way that pleases him.  Other benefits include not having to worry about contracting STDs or having an unplanned pregnancy, not being connected to people who stifle our growth in Christ and block our blessings, and not having to deal with the consequences of causing someone else to sin against God.  In dating it helps you to really see a person for whom he or she really is and doesn’t cloud your judgment based on the fact that you enjoy having sex with the person.  Hence, it makes it easier to walk away from the wrong person because you haven’t tied yourself to him or her with inappropriate intimacy.
6.       What does the Bible say about celibacy?
The bible teaches that we should wait until marriage to engage in sexual activity, period.  It also teaches that some people are called to live a life of sexual purity until death, but those individuals who have received that call from God are not called to marry. God knows what each of his children can handle. 
1 Corinthians 6:18 states, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.”  It shows that sexual sin is basically self-inflicted harm and taints our temple. 
7.       What is the meaning of celibacy?
The Merriam-Webster definition of celibacy means to abstain from sexual relations and being unmarried as is the biblical meaning.  1 Corinthians 7 gives an in-depth explanation of the command from God involving celibacy and marriage which goes beyond what celibacy is and explains why we should be celibate and single.
8.       What does it take to be celibate?
I believe that true celibacy takes true commitment to God and persistent.  It is only through his strength that you will be able to resist the temptation. I know individuals who do not have sex, but it’s not because they have entered into covenant with God in that area.  It is because he or she has not been presented with an optimal opportunity to have sex.  Meaning he or she has not met a person who he or she would want to have intercourse with, but as soon as that person comes along he or she is willing to formicate.  In that case the individual is not concerned about waiting until marriage; he or she is just waiting on an opportunity to fornicate in what seems like a more respectable manner.  True celibacy requires persistence and commitment to God because you have to always remember that although you have won battles in the area of sexual immorality, you can’t get comfortable and believe that you will always be above the temptation.  Past victories serve as a reminder that you can overcome the temptation when you are faced with it.  They are not for you to become so comfortable that you let your guard down.  Ephesians 6 teaches that we have to always be alert to ensure that we are always prepared for spiritual warfare.  You must always remember to never put yourself in a position to be tempted.  There are certain songs I cannot listen to, certain movies and television shows that I cannot watch, certain books I cannot read, certain people I cannot befriend or have to end communication with, certain places that I cannot go, certain activities I cannot participate in, and certain places that I cannot go.  I have to immediately rebuke impure thoughts.  No matter how well I think I’m doing on my walk of celibacy, I can never become comfortable enough to engage in any of the aforementioned things because I would be making myself vulnerable.  Therefore, celibacy also requires us to be intentional.  In any case, none of the strategies will be effective without leaning on God for help.
9.       Share your process of sexual recovery.
I feel that my story is unique because God turned things around like a light switch.  The light was off until I entered into the celibacy covenant with God, but as soon as I made the covenant and handed it over to him the light came on and has been on every since.   I think it happened that way because I had tried to be celibate so many times that God knew the desire to live holy was there, but I just hadn’t sought his guidance and counsel.  For me, the recovery started when I gave the issue over to him.  I didn’t stumble into celibacy.  I had to fight for it.  To this day I still have men coming who want to help me break my covenant, but everyday gets easier as I strengt
hen my relationship with God.  Because I am not a virgin, I believe that I will live in the state of recovery until marriage when the weight of sexual sin is lifted.  Until then, I see it as the same process a recovering drug addict or alcoholic goes through forever deciding to live in sobriety day by day because at anytime you could be subject to relapse. 
10.   How were you able to overcome all of these struggles and live a life of sexual purity?
It was only by the grace, mercy, faithfulness, and love of God that I was able to overcome and start on the path to purity.  

 

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