(Note: This article is
based on the interview I had with Destiny Nixton, the story of an American Lady
how she was delivered from sexual bondage and today she is now a sexual purity
strategist and counselor).
1. Give a brief introduction about yourself and
your background.
I, Destiny Nixon, was born in Lincolnton, NC on September 9,
1990 to Pamela Kone’ and David Nixon Jr.
I am my father’s youngest child and my mother’s only daughter. Altogether, I have four siblings. On May 12, 2012, I graduated from the
University of North Carolina at Charlotte where I obtained a Bachelor’s of Arts
degree in Communications Studies and a minor in Journalism. I love writing, but I am a poet by nature.
I have been a member of Second Calvary Baptist Church since
I was in seventh grade. I have been
involved in a host of ministries throughout my membership and have been saved
since I can remember. However, my love for God and salvation did not transcend
all areas of my life because I had not made it a habit to nurture my
relationship with God. I rarely read the
bible or prayed and oftentimes only made it a point to spend time with God on
Sunday mornings and during ministry meetings.
Although I was saved
and established in a bible-based church, the lack of a personal relationship
with God led me into a lifestyle of low self-esteem, promiscuity, poor
decision-making, chaos, and turmoil. I
wanted to commit suicide several times because I was tired of the drama, tired
of the turmoil, tired of fighting, tired of crying, tired of trying everything
but getting little to no results. I tried,
what I thought was every other option: people, drugs, alcohol, clubbing,
premarital sex to fill voids that developed overtime with the root of the
problems beginning with my family.
By my
24th birthday, I’d contracted an STD five times, luckily it was
stuff a pill could get rid of, I had been cheated on by two bi-curious males, I
had been raped, I was a divorcee, and was betrayed
by a best friend who helped me through all of the previously mentioned
issues. I had been crying out for help
for 24 years, but God never forgot about
me. In February 2015, I finally told
God that I’m willing to live a life that is pleasing to him, but I didn’t know
how to do it. God answered me and told
me that all he has ever wanted from me was willingness.
Since then, God has drastically changed my entire being and because of his
faithfulness and mercy towards me, I will never go back to the old me.
2. Why did I choose to be celibate (do I want
to be unmarried or just sexually pure)? Was my choice to be celibate a personal
decision or a call by God?
This is a very tricky question for me because I feel like God
had been convicting me since I lost my virginity, and when I doubted the
conviction or tired to justify the sin I was committing, I was disciplined or
fuel was added to the fire by Satan. I
caught Chlamydia four times and Trichomoniasis once; although, I didn't have
unprotected sex all of the time, tried to make sure I knew my partners’ sexual
history, and was monogamous. With that
being said, I just can't say that those things were a coincidence especially
knowing people who have had what I would consider as a more risky lifestyle who
hadn't had an STD. I believe that I wasn't listening and God had been
calling me to a life of purity all along. In my story it talks about how many times I
tried to be celibate and one time was even ruined by me being raped. I was
never really comfortable in fornication and masturbation. It was
always on my heart to live a sexually pure lifestyle, but I could never figure
out how to control my flesh. A prophet recently told me within the last few
months that God revealed to her that I was fighting the principalities, the spirit of lust. It wasn't until
then that I was able to realize that I
wasn't winning the battle because I was engaged in a spiritual war trying to
use human tactics and expecting to be victorious.
3. Does someone have to become celibate to
become sexually pure?
It is my personal opinion based on my experiences that we are born sexually pure, but the purity
can become tainted because we are born into sin. Therefore, society warps our perception of
sexuality and sexual purity. Society has manipulated us into believing
that is impossible to abstain from sexual activity until marriage, not because
it is physically impossible (because it is not) but because society has made
abstinence unpopular and unattractive. Society has taught us that because
we are born with the physical parts and natural desires, we do not have control
over it and in that case it’s okay to have premarital sex because there’s no
telling when or if you will marry. It is
taught that the biblical ways are
“outdated” and cannot be relevant in today’s society. This is a flawed way of thinking. But to
fully answer the question, I believe if you have engaged in ANY type of sexual activity
(not just sexual intercourse) you have to overcome all of those things in order
to be considered sexually pure. I did not have sexual intercourse for about
six months the last time I tried to be celibate, but I was still engaging in
oral sex and occasional masturbation (which ultimately led to me engaging in
intercourse). In that case I was just abstaining from intercourse; in my
eyes I was not sexually pure.
4. Do people who are celibate have sexual
urges?
I just started the journey to sexual purity the correct way
in February 2015, meaning I no longer engage in ANY form of sexual activity and
depend wholehearted on God to continue to help me overcome sexual immorality.
Prior to that change, I had urges regularly, especially within the first two to
three weeks of celibacy. That would lead
to me engaging in masturbation or other sexual activities even if I didn’t have
intercourse. Since I started practicing
celibacy correctly, I had not had any urges until I started openly speaking
against sexual immorality and encouraging others to abstain. Due to that fact, I believe that the urges
were not my body’s natural reaction to anything in particular, but due to the
devil trying to tempt me. I believe
that the beginning of the process is
always the hardest, and just like any other addiction or “bad habit”
everyone is different. So just like our
relationship with God is unique, I believe that everyone’s experience with
celibacy will be as well. Some may have urges and others may not, but
in any case God is able to keep us from falling.
1
Corinthians 10:13 “The temptations in
your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He
will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are
tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure”.
5. What are the benefits of being celibate?
The first benefit and
most important benefit of celibacy is being closer to God and finding more
favor with him because you are actively trying to live in a way that pleases
him. Other benefits include not
having to worry about contracting STDs or having an unplanned pregnancy, not
being connected to people who stifle our growth in Christ and block our
blessings, and not having to deal with the consequences of causing someone else
to sin against God. In dating it helps
you to really see a person for whom he or she really is and doesn’t cloud your
judgment based on the fact that you enjoy having sex with the person. Hence, it makes it easier to walk away from
the wrong person because you haven’t tied yourself to him or her with
inappropriate intimacy.
6. What does the Bible say about celibacy?
The bible teaches that we should wait until marriage to
engage in sexual activity, period. It
also teaches that some people are called to live a life of sexual purity until
death, but those individuals who have received that call from God are not
called to marry. God knows what each of his children can handle.
1 Corinthians 6:18
states, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this
one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.” It shows that sexual sin is basically self-inflicted harm and taints our temple.
7. What is the meaning of celibacy?
The Merriam-Webster definition of celibacy means to abstain
from sexual relations and being unmarried as is the biblical meaning. 1 Corinthians 7 gives an in-depth explanation
of the command from God involving celibacy and marriage which goes beyond what
celibacy is and explains why we should be celibate and single.
8. What does it take to be celibate?
I believe that true
celibacy takes true commitment to God and persistent. It is only through his strength that you will
be able to resist the temptation. I know individuals who do not have sex, but
it’s not because they have entered into covenant with God in that area. It is because he or she has not been
presented with an optimal opportunity to have sex. Meaning he or she has not met a person who he
or she would want to have intercourse with, but as soon as that person comes
along he or she is willing to formicate.
In that case the individual is not concerned about waiting until marriage; he or she is just waiting on an opportunity
to fornicate in what seems like a more respectable manner. True
celibacy requires persistence and commitment to God because you have to
always remember that although you have won battles in the area of sexual
immorality, you can’t get comfortable and believe that you will always be above
the temptation. Past victories serve as
a reminder that you can overcome the temptation when you are faced with
it. They are not for you to become so
comfortable that you let your guard down.
Ephesians 6 teaches that we have
to always be alert to ensure that we are always prepared for spiritual warfare. You must always remember to never put
yourself in a position to be tempted. There are certain songs I cannot listen to,
certain movies and television shows that I cannot watch, certain books I cannot
read, certain people I cannot befriend or have to end communication with,
certain places that I cannot go, certain activities I cannot participate in,
and certain places that I cannot go.
I have to immediately rebuke impure thoughts. No matter how well I think I’m doing on my
walk of celibacy, I can never become comfortable enough to engage in any of the
aforementioned things because I would be making myself vulnerable. Therefore, celibacy also requires us to be
intentional. In any case, none of the
strategies will be effective without leaning on God for help.
9. Share your process of sexual recovery.
I feel that my story is unique because God turned things around like a light switch. The light was off until I entered into the
celibacy covenant with God, but as soon as I made the covenant and handed it
over to him the light came on and has been on every since. I think it happened that way because I had
tried to be celibate so many times that God knew the desire to live holy was
there, but I just hadn’t sought his
guidance and counsel. For me, the recovery started when I gave
the issue over to him. I didn’t stumble into celibacy. I had to fight for it. To this day I still have men coming who want
to help me break my covenant, but everyday
gets easier as I strengt
hen my relationship with God.
Because I am not a virgin
, I believe that I will live in the state of recovery until marriage
when the weight of sexual sin is lifted.
Until then, I see it as the same process a recovering drug addict or
alcoholic goes through forever deciding to live in sobriety day by day because
at anytime you could be subject to relapse.
10. How were you able to overcome all of these
struggles and live a life of sexual purity?
It was only by the
grace, mercy, faithfulness, and love of God that I was able to overcome and
start on the path to purity.
