“If you think you are
standing strong, be careful not to fall”
--1
Corinthians 10:12
What is dating?
Dating is
a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship,
beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's
suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship.
It is not friendship;
neither is it courtship or marriage.
Why I started dating?
Whatever we all do in life,
I know quite well that it is influenced or driven by an intention, reason or
purpose.
I started dating in my early
teen’s life.
I had my reasons. Whatever
you may think of me doesn’t matter. My reasons are my reasons…
1. I wanted to have a taste of
what sex is all about. Yes!!! There is no point
deceiving myself. With all I have heard and watch about sex experience, it was
enough for me to venture into dating. I had a lot of casual female friends, but
I needed a relationship that can give me a ticket to the sex world. (I hope you know what I mean). (# Bad Digestion: Eating bone without having
teeth).
2.
I wanted to play along the crowd—my male friends. I didn’t want to be
left out in the ‘big boys with their babe’ trend. I didn’t want to be weird or
dull among my buddies and pals. (#Negative
peer pressure is always an open grave).
3.
I felt I was in love and I desire strongly to follow my heart
affection. I never really understood the difference between love, lust and
infatuation. (#the heart of man is really
deceptive!)
4.
I wanted to prove that I had grown and was no longer that yesterday kid
and that I could take responsibility. I didn’t want anybody to look down on me.
I believed if I had my own girlfriend I would be respected by friends and
others. (#Pride goeth before
destruction).
The Power of Purpose and Right Reasoning
I started dating for what I
believe are all wrong reasons for dating…
You need to pause and think
deeply. You need to do self-examination and evaluation to discover the reason
why you are dating (if you are ready in one) or why you want to engage in
dating relationship (if you are thinking about starting one).
My experience while dating
is nothing to right about. I believe the lessons I learnt from my failure and
mistakes are powerful tools that will empower you for a great success when it
comes to dating and sexual purity.
Lack of positive purpose and
right reasoning before starting a dating relationship will always lead to
disaster at the end. Many relationships have been abuse, broken and destroyed
because of failure to ask the right and honest questions.
A lot of people, like me,
are entering into dating relationship for all the wrong reasons because of
their POOR MENTAL FITNESS AND BELIEF SYSTEM.
Know this: Dating is not an
experimental relationship for you to test-run a person to see if he/she can
perform or if the person can meet your numerous demands.
Ask yourself this: “Am I ready to date now?” “Do I even need to
date?”
Right reasoning produces
right and positive purpose.
Your intention will
determine your approach.
You must change your
mentality if you want to succeed in the issue of sexuality as a youth or
single.
My Pursuit of Sexual Purity
What is Sexual Purity?
In year 2006, when I became a Child of God, by
accepting Jesus Christ into my Life as my Lord and Saviour, I made a decision
to pursue after sexual purity. My dream, my top value and
priority as a Youth and Single was to live a life of sexual purity and to honor
and worship God with my body. I was not ready to compromise this great dream
for anything or anyone. I was ready to do all it takes to pursue and embrace
sexual purity with all determination and energy.
I was told by many,
including some Christians, that it is impossible to attain sexual purity in a
sex-crazy world we live in. I was told that my vision of a world of sexual morality I seek as a Youth is
nothing but a delusion and fantasy. (Maybe I was the next Harry Potter). In
short; I must give up and play along with the crowd…after all, even many
Christians are doing it—AND GOD UNDERSTANDS!
But I never give in to the
discouragement; neither did I succumb to people, worldly pressure, opinion or
conviction. I have made up my mind.
THREE THINGS THAT MADE ME PURSUE AFTER SEXUAL PURITY—YOU ALSO SHOULD
FOLLOW SUIT.
1.
1 Thessalonians 4:3, “God's will is for
you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin
”. #Truth: God’s Will is sexual purity. It is a
divine command; not an option.
2.
1
Corinthians 10:13, “The temptations in your life are no different from what
others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be
more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so
that you can endure”. #Truth: God is neither
wicked nor selfish. He cannot tell us to do what we are not capable of.
3.
Luke 1:37, “For with God nothing
shall be impossible. #Truth: God alone
has the power that can help us to walk in sexual purity.
God
told Abraham, “Walk before me and you will be blameless (Genesis 17:1). So
therefore, if I walk with God, I will automatically walk in sexual purity. (TOP
SECRET).
Why I stop dating?
Choosing not to engage in
dating relationship is not a sin; but sexual immorality is a sin and
wickedness.
A lot of young growing
Christian have ask me questions like, “Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?” “I
want to live a pure life sexually but I love my girlfriend. Can I keep her and
still achieve my desire?”
Your Decision in life will
determine your direction
Let me share with you some
few challenges I faced while I was dating that made me to give up such
relationship experience.
1. It creates a strong doorway
to sexual immorality. Dating is the most popular medium that has lead many young people into
falling into sexual temptation. Dating relationship is more of romance and
kissing than more of pep talks. It promotes the spirit of lust more than the
spirit of love among young people. I was
not ready to disappoint God, dishonor my body and fail in my quest to
attain sexual purity. The pressure to have sex was too much I could handle. I
had to make a decision. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE IT WAS A BIG THREAT TO
MY SEXUAL PURITY DREAM!!!
2. It demands commitment,
faithfulness and responsibility. Young people must be aware of these traits if they
must succeed in dating relationship. In dating, it demands you always spend
time alone with your partner. Both of you would like to hangout in some cool
places and try to make the relationship romantic and sweet. The demands of
dating created a serious distraction to my life, to my service to God and my
career as a growing youth. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I WANTED TO STAY
FOCUS AND MAKE PROGRESS IN LIFE!
3. It can lead to heart break
and emotional bondage. When your dating relationship does not have sense of direction, it
will definitely lead to disaster and heartbreak. You need to know that dating
is not friendship, neither is it courtship. So, you must make your intentions
clear to your partner. Long dating will only lead to confusion, bondage and
stagnation. Please we must not play with people’s heart. It is delicate. Do not
give your partner false hopes and leave he/she empty. Don’t date to experiment
like me. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO BREAK ANY PERSON’S
HEART!
I want you to understand
something here. I am speaking from my personal experience I had with three
girls I dated. But I am not telling you that because I failed you will also
fail. No. I am not also telling to make a decision to follow my path. No.
LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR:
The problem of sexual
immorality is not dating; it is spirit of lust.
Dating is not a sin; sexual
immorality is.
Just because I quit dating
doesn’t mean it is evil.
But I want you to think
about these things seriously.
There is a great challenge in walking in sexual purity and keeping your
date as a young person.
You may think you are so
wise and strong and you are handle every demand and pressure that comes you
way. Congratulation, you are better than me—go ahead!!!
But if you think we are on
the same page… I mean if you believe you can’t handle the pressure and demand
that comes with dating, you can follow my path. Please do not let dating
destroy your relationship with God just because you want to satisfy your emotions.
If you feel that it is a
threat to your walk in sexual purity, please do not hesitate to quit like me.
To me; my decision to stop
dating and pursue sexual purity was perhaps the best decision I have made as a
youth/single.
I am not saying that when
you don’t do dating, you will be free from sexual temptation. (Far from it). Of course,
I know very well that if you do not fornicate in dating, you can still be
tempted to masturbate when you are alone.
This lesson is not to give
you a conclusion, but to lay a strong foundation for right reasoning and wise
decision making.
Remember…
Pursue after sexual purity
and be ready to do whatever it takes to embrace her.
Rufus Yamoah
Sexual Morality Counselor
