Dealing with Sexual Harassment

"Let there be no Filthiness nor Foolish Talk nor Crude Joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving". (Ephesians 5:3)

What Is Sexual Harassment?

Sexual harassment means bothering someone in a sexual way.

Some Facts you need to Know:

·         Sexual harassment is an unwelcome and unpleasant behavior.

·         Sexual harassment is not a GAME or a PLAY.

·         Sexual harassment in most cases grows into sexual assault (rape).

·         Sexual harassment in most cases is repeated when not dealt with.

·         Sexual harassment is only defined from the victim’s point of view.

·         Sexual harassment is against the law.

·         The goal of a sexual harasser may not be sexual, but to gain power or control over the victim.

·         Men/males are also victims are of sexual harassment, most especially from older women/ gay men.

·         Sexual harassment is also very common on the internet (e.g. Cyber-bullying)

Examples of Sexual Harassment

Verbal Harassment: Telling sexual jokes and stories, Asking about sexual fantasies, preferences, or history, Making sexual comments about a person's clothing, anatomy, or looks, Making kissing sounds, howling, and smacking lips, Telling lies or spreading rumors about a person's personal sex life, Referring to an adult as a girl, hunk, doll, babe, or honey, Making sexual comments about a person's body.

Non-Verbal Harassment: Looking a person up and down (elevator eyes), Staring at someone, Blocking a person's path, Following the person, Giving personal gifts, Displaying sexually suggestive visuals, throwing kisses, or licking lips, Making sexual gestures with hands or through body movements, showing up your genitals (Sexual organs).

Physical Harassment: Giving a massage around the neck or shoulders, Touching the person's clothing, hair, or body, Hugging, kissing, Grabbing Caressing, patting, or stroking, Standing close or brushing up against a person, forcing.

Virtual Harassment: Unwanted Love poems, Love letters, Cards, Obscene poems, Obscene gestures Sexually suggestive cartoons, posters, drawings, magazines, pictures and sending unwanted videos.

Common Doors to Watch Out that lead to Sexual Harassment 

1. When someone is trying to help/give you an assistance.
2. When someone is supervising you.
3.When someone is looking/staring at you.
4. When you are in a relationship.
5. When someone is talking/ giving jokes.
6. When someone is angry with you for rejecting his/her request.
7. When you are in a competition with someone.

Some Common Places of Sexual Harassment:

1.      Workplace

2.      Internet (e.g. Facebook)

3.      School

4.      Street

5.      Home

What to Do When Faced with Sexual Harassment

1.      Keep a Journal (writing) of details of who, when, where, what and how of any sexual harassment experienced. 

2.      Be aggressive to state your position to the Harasser.

3.      Get a few witnesses even at first attempt.

4.      If the harasser repeats it, get to the nearest Authority and report your case for the law to be enforced.

5.      Be positive about yourself and live your life. Do live in self-blame, guilt, fear or shame.

6.      Watch and pray. I called this WP strategy. It works best!!! You can use prayer to drive away sexual harasser from your life.

Live in freedom...live the purified life.

Rufus Elijah Yamoah

Sexual Morality Counselor

The Power of Love on Sexual Purity

The Concept of Sexual Purity

Sexual purity is more than abstinence from sexual intercourse; it is the freedom from engaging in all forms of sexual activities in your spirit, soul and body.

This is to say:

When you constantly have sex in your dreams, it means you spirit is polluted and becomes unclean.

When you lust after a woman in your heart or you engage in pornography, it means your soul (heart/mind) is unclean and polluted.

When you engage in masturbation, penetrative sex, oral sex, fingering sex, it means your body is unclean and you become polluted.

Many people who claim to be virgins and sexually pure are living in lesbianism, masturbation, oral sex, fingering sex, kissing and romance yet the claim to be free from sexual immorality.

Listen; Science, Education or Psychology is not the yardstick for purity; But the WORD OF GOD.

WE CANNOT TALK ABOUT LOVE AND SEX WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT GOD.

These two subjects originated from God. We can only find answers to them when we consult Him through His Word—the Bible!

The Popular Myth of Love

One of the strongest lies Satan has used in destroying millions of lives in sexual immorality is the popular myth that: SEX IS LOVE.

This LIE (weapon) of Satan has wounded many, destroys countless homes, caused great violence, promotes betrayal and abuse, break many hearts and relationships. THIS IS PAINFUL.

The World we live in has wrongly defined Love for our teens, youth and singles.

The Romance Novels, Soap Operas, Social Media and Society have painted a world of Sex and Romance rather than True Love.

Dating and Courtship that is built on sex and not love is heading for a real collapse.

This is one of the major reasons why we see many broken hearts, homes, divorce and abuse in our society.

Marriages will be heaven on earth, families will be at peace and our Society will be less violence when will begin to promote true love and move away from the sex and romance story.

God did not formed relationship for sex; He formed relationship for love (companionship)

Yes, it is true we cannot remove sex and romance from marriage, but we must align ourselves to the ultimate purpose of relationship which is LOVE (whether dating, courtship or marriage).

What millions of people call Love is nothing but Romance and Sex.

Love is not Sex and can never be sex.

Romance is not Love; Sex is not Romance

Love is a connection of hearts; Sex is a connection of sexual organs!

If love is sex; then think about Prostitutes who are professional sex workers!

Would you say Prostitutes are the most loving people in the world?

If Love is Sex; then think about Jesus—He never had sex in His life!

Would you now say Jesus did not love at all?

IF YOU CAN BREAK OUT FROM THIS LIE, THEN YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO SEXUAL PURITY!

The World was created by Love (God) and can only be built by Love.

The World was founded by Holy (God) and can only be built on holiness (which is purity).

Sex is not a sin; Romance is not a sin. But it is not for everybody! It was created by God for Man and wife.

Before Sex and Romance came into our world, God first had to create man and wife in marriage.

But today the reverse is the case, Sex and romance comes first in relationship before people begin to think about whether to marry or not.

In fact in many dating scenarios, we see people meeting themselves for the first time and having sex the same day and then say they are in love.

LOVE COMES BEFORE SEX; NOT SEX BEFORE LOVE. (This is the divine order of every true relationship)

Any relationship that is founded on Sex is influenced by lust and infatuation and not love. (Hard Truth)

The Concept of Love

LOVE AS 'A FEELING' (OLD CONCEPT)

Many Dictionaries define love as, “the feeling of deep affection for someone”.

Let me tell you this, if we define love in the context of feeling we will get it wrong.

This definition has done more harm than good to the lives of people.

This definition many lead many into being seduced and deceived into sexual immorality.

There are many feelings in this world. This includes sexual feeling!)

 If we see love as just a feeling, it will bring a lot of confusion and lead people astray and even into

Infatuation (false Love) is a feeling.

Lust (sexual love) is a feeling.

Love has a feeling, but it is not a feeling.

Categories of Love

Human Love = the natural love we are born. We exercise this for our families, friends and neighbors.

Satanic Love = Infatuation and Lust is a kind of feeling that graves for romance and sex without following divine order.

Divine Love= this is a special love brought from Heaven to earth by Jesus for man to embrace. This is the greatest love. It can only be experience when you encounter Jesus Christ

LOVE AS 'LIVING LIKE JESUS' (TRUE CONCEPT)

God is Love; Love is divine.

This is the true concept of love.

This is the only love we must truly promote. This is the love that will change the world.

Every kind of love will fail; But the Love of Jesus can never fail.

When we seek to live and practice this kind of love the result will be unprecedented.

The Power of Divine Love on Sexual Purity

Sexual feeling is a very powerful feeling that every other kind of love cannot resist its temptation.

I am seen many fathers who love their daughter end up having sex with them.

Human love cannot successfully resist sexual temptation.

Infatuation and Lust cannot resist sexual temptation; it will even promote and attract sexual immorality.

IT TAKES ONLY DIVINE LOVE TO BE ABLE TO RESIST THE FEELING OF SEXUAL DESIRE.

DIVINE LOVE IS ONE THE MOST POWERFUL TOOLS FOR SEXUAL PURITY.

The Misuse of Sex

Many people have turned sex into idol worship.

Whenever they have problem they run to have sex!

This is an abuse and misuse of love.

So many people are struggling with emotional wounds like rejections, loneliness, abandonment, abuse, fear, jealousy, bitterness, disappointment, betrayal, anger and worry. But what do they do to gain solution?

They engage in sexual activities to express, react or respond to their pain.

LISTEN; SEX IS NOT THE SOLUTION TO YOUR WOUNDS; DIVINE LOVE IS THE HEALING YOU NEED.

You cannot use sex to fill the void of love in your life.

So many people will be walking in sexual purity as soon as they receive healing from their wounds through the power of divine love.

Examples of Sexual Activities Caused by Lack of Divine Love:

Bitterness/hatred= homosexuality

Abandonment/Rejection= Masturbation, Sex toys, Transvestism/Transexuality:

Anger= rape, child abuse, incest.

Jealousy= Threesome, Orgies, Nudity.

Betrayal= Prostitution

Loneliness= Pornography, Mental Sex

The truth is that engaging in these sexual activities will not heal your wounds or make you feel better.

SEXUAL PURITY IS THE TEST OF TRUE LOVE

One of the most powerful ways to know if someone truly loves you in a relationship is to move into what I called ‘Sexual Purity Vow Agreement’.

Sexual purity is the tester of what you feel or what someone feel towards you whether it is True Love, Lust or infatuation.

I have encountered many ladies who claim to love me so much and grave for a serious relationship with me. I just told me, ‘Well, if we will be together, we will have a sexual purity commitment, meaning no sexual activities of any kind till we are legally ready”. 

This is how I saved myself from the lives of many ladies who just want to get a fill of sex thinking they are in love. 

True Love embraces sexual purity with joy and readiness; But infatuation and lust dies where they is no fuel of sex to increase its fire.

Divine Love seeks to sacrifice and not gratify.

Divine Love seeks to obey God’s commandment and not man’s desire or pressure.

Divine Love commit to holiness and righteousness and not to feelings.

Divine Love produces the fear of the Lord that will enable you to flee from every sexual temptation from within and without.

How to Embrace and Experience Divine Love

1.       You need to Encounter Jesus Christ and be born again.

2.       When you receive Salvation, you need healing and deliverance from your wounds/bondage.

3.       Ask the Holy Spirit to fill your heart with the Love of Christ. What a wonderful experience!

4.       Fall in Love with the Scriptures and also build a personal Relationship with Jesus daily.

5.       When you truly understand divine love, you will begin to know learn how to love people without driven by sexual desire.

Live the purified life

Rufus Elijah Yamoah

Sexual Purity Strategist

How to Protect Yourself from Sexual Assault

"But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her"

                                                                                                     --2 Samuel 13:14

Sexual assault is any kind of sexual activity committed against a person's will. (I.e. RAPE)

Rape is a legal term that is defined slightly differently in each state/country. Most state laws define rape in terms of penetration, with the use of force, and without the person's consent. Penetration can be with the penis or other instruments like bottles or sticks, and can be perpetrated in the vagina, anus, or mouth.

According to Researchers, Rape is more likely to be committed by someone we know than by a stranger.

Common Reactions of Sexual Assault Victims

1.      Self-blame and feelings of guilt.

2.      Fear, terror, and feeling unsafe.

3.      Anger and rage

4.      Grief and loss.

5.      Loss of control and powerlessness.

6.      Isolation.

7.      Flashbacks and nightmares.

8.      Triggers: seasons, smells, circumstances.

9.      Changes in sexuality, intimacy (may dislike sex, or even become interested in sexual activity)

10.  Spiritual Setback and Backsliding.

11.  Death and Suicide attempt.

Some Doorways to Sexual Assault

Let me make this clear here:

1.      There is no legal or justifiable reason for someone to rape another person.

2.      I do not blame people who fall into sexual assault for their tragic experience.

But I want to point here that, there are situations and behaviors that can give way to sexual assault. (I repeat, not all rape experience is caused by some these doorways…)

 Many Sexual assault cases we have encountered and also researched pose some sexual doorways we must not overlook:

1.      Indecent Dressing: People whose dressing is sexually enticing can directly and indirectly attract sexual harassment/assault from people who lack control.

2.      Late Night Movements: This is really not good. Running late night’s errands and going to Night clubs can post a danger of falling into sexual assault from wicked people who move during odd hours.

3.      Family generational curse of Sexual assault: Believe it or not. This is a strange thing we begin to look at. People who are sexually abuse have an opening the devil will work with against their children. This issue must be carefully dealt with. Please don’t overlook it.

4.      Children living in Parental Dysfunction: This is something that is becoming a concern for us. We have heard common stories of single fathers raping their daughters, Step father raping wife’s daughter, Mother raping adopted son and so on. When a family is not balance, this can pose an open door to sexual assault.

5.      Ignorance: This is really a serious issue, because many children/young people lack knowledge about what sexual assault is all about. This ignorance can lead them into the danger of continuous assault from the same perpetrator!

6.      Living in Lawless Environment: We cannot overlook this. There are some places where rape issue is more common and high than some other places. People living in place where youths engage in violence, cultism, idolatry, substance abuse and lawlessness pose a danger for people falling into sexual assault.

7.      Living Alone: This can really post a threat. Many people have been attacked and sexually abused due to the situation of living alone. Living alone can pose a danger of insecurity. As a youth, it is always better to live with family and loved ones than alone.

8.      Leaving Children with House Helps: I am not saying all house helps are bad and are rapists. Also I’m saying that having house helps is wrong. The issue here is having no time to monitor, look at or supervise your kids in order to learn about their welfare, body system and also if they have anything they would want to share with you that is happening.

9.      Lonely Visitation: Visiting people is good and healthy. Cases have come where people who visit older opposite sex end up being raped. Sometimes lonely visit can pose an open door to sexual assault.

10.   Entering into Wrong Relationship: A lot of times, people are sexually abused not by strangers but by their boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. True talk! Sometimes people come into allow lives a sheep (crazily in love) but when we refuse sexual attempt they let the wolf in them come out against us by raping us!

Protecting Yourself from Sexual Assault

1.       People need to be taught carefully what sexual assault is all about and what to do when they are facing sexual harassment.  Seek sexual morality education!

2.       Develop positive friendship with believers, people who will influence you positively and not lead you astray.

3.       Learn to share and socialize wisely, having someone you can walk home together and do things together. Don’t live a lonely life.

4.       Avoid substance abuse/ alcoholic drinks. Make sure your mind is sound and alert.

5.       Lock the door and windows if you are inside the house alone. Be security conscious.

6.       Don’t be quick to jump into dating or relationship. Make wise decision base on God’s word and prayers.

7.       Avoid late night movements. Try to get whatever things you want before it becomes too late in the night.

8.       Look carefully before entering a public transport.

9.       Walk in the middle or front of street or road, and not back corners where hooligans may hang out.

10.   Keep your eye on your drink and also learn to pray before drinking anything.

11.   Avoid Night clubs/ Worldly parties.

12.   Be sensitive to the Spirit of God. When your heart, instincts and conscience is telling you not to go some places…please LISTEN and OBEY!

13.   Avoid every form of indecent, sexual or seducing dress appearance.

14.   Be alert about what is going on around you and your environment.

15.   Find out who is at the door before opening for the person.

16.   Pray and break any trace of sexual abuse (rape) from your family.

17.   Survey and pray about an environment or location before moving to live there.

18.   Learn to live with your family and not alone.

19.   When visiting opposite sex, learn to go with someone. It is wise not to go alone. (Note: if you want to hold private discussion, you can do that is public places—I mean where people can be alerted if there is any sexual attempt. Wisdom is profitable!

20.   Be aggressive against sexual assault. Shout! Scream! Hit! Don’t be weak and fearful.

21.   Watch and pray always that you may fall not into temptation.

22.   Follow after righteousness, live by faith and not fear and let your ways please God.

These are powerful and practical wisdom and common sense that will help protect your life and destiny.

Enjoy Sexual Purity and freedom.

Rufus Yamoah

Sexual Purity Strategist