How to Handle Dating and Sexual Purity

“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall”

                                                                                --1 Corinthians 10:12

What is dating?

Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship.

It is not friendship; neither is it courtship or marriage.

Why I started dating?                                                

Whatever we all do in life, I know quite well that it is influenced or driven by an intention, reason or purpose.

I started dating in my early teen’s life.

I had my reasons. Whatever you may think of me doesn’t matter. My reasons are my reasons…

1.      I wanted to have a taste of what sex is all about. Yes!!! There is no point deceiving myself. With all I have heard and watch about sex experience, it was enough for me to venture into dating. I had a lot of casual female friends, but I needed a relationship that can give me a ticket to the sex world. (I hope you know what I mean). (# Bad Digestion: Eating bone without having teeth).

2.      I wanted to play along the crowd—my male friends. I didn’t want to be left out in the ‘big boys with their babe’ trend. I didn’t want to be weird or dull among my buddies and pals. (#Negative peer pressure is always an open grave).

3.      I felt I was in love and I desire strongly to follow my heart affection. I never really understood the difference between love, lust and infatuation. (#the heart of man is really deceptive!)

4.      I wanted to prove that I had grown and was no longer that yesterday kid and that I could take responsibility. I didn’t want anybody to look down on me. I believed if I had my own girlfriend I would be respected by friends and others. (#Pride goeth before destruction).

The Power of Purpose and Right Reasoning

I started dating for what I believe are all wrong reasons for dating…

You need to pause and think deeply. You need to do self-examination and evaluation to discover the reason why you are dating (if you are ready in one) or why you want to engage in dating relationship (if you are thinking about starting one).

My experience while dating is nothing to right about. I believe the lessons I learnt from my failure and mistakes are powerful tools that will empower you for a great success when it comes to dating and sexual purity.

Lack of positive purpose and right reasoning before starting a dating relationship will always lead to disaster at the end. Many relationships have been abuse, broken and destroyed because of failure to ask the right and honest questions.

A lot of people, like me, are entering into dating relationship for all the wrong reasons because of their POOR MENTAL FITNESS AND BELIEF SYSTEM.

Know this: Dating is not an experimental relationship for you to test-run a person to see if he/she can perform or if the person can meet your numerous demands.

Ask yourself this: “Am I ready to date now?” “Do I even need to date?”

Right reasoning produces right and positive purpose.

Your intention will determine your approach.

You must change your mentality if you want to succeed in the issue of sexuality as a youth or single.

My Pursuit of Sexual Purity

What is Sexual Purity?

Sexual purity means ‘to be free from all forms of sexual perversion and immorality. It is living in victory over sexual lust and temptation’. It is sexual abstinence, not just in your body but also your heart, mind and spirit.

 In year 2006, when I became a Child of God, by accepting Jesus Christ into my Life as my Lord and Saviour, I made a decision to pursue after sexual purity. My dream, my top value and priority as a Youth and Single was to live a life of sexual purity and to honor and worship God with my body. I was not ready to compromise this great dream for anything or anyone. I was ready to do all it takes to pursue and embrace sexual purity with all determination and energy.

I was told by many, including some Christians, that it is impossible to attain sexual purity in a sex-crazy world we live in. I was told that my vision of a world of sexual morality I seek as a Youth is nothing but a delusion and fantasy. (Maybe I was the next Harry Potter). In short; I must give up and play along with the crowd…after all, even many Christians are doing it—AND GOD UNDERSTANDS!

But I never give in to the discouragement; neither did I succumb to people, worldly pressure, opinion or conviction. I have made up my mind.

THREE THINGS THAT MADE ME PURSUE AFTER SEXUAL PURITY—YOU ALSO SHOULD FOLLOW SUIT.

I saw some things in the Word of God (the Bible) that shocked and motivated me to pursue my holy dream.

1.      1 Thessalonians 4:3, “God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin”. #Truth: God’s Will is sexual purity. It is a divine command; not an option.

2.      1 Corinthians 10:13, “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure”. #Truth: God is neither wicked nor selfish. He cannot tell us to do what we are not capable of.

3.      Luke 1:37, “For with God nothing shall be impossible. #Truth: God alone has the power that can help us to walk in sexual purity.

God told Abraham, “Walk before me and you will be blameless (Genesis 17:1). So therefore, if I walk with God, I will automatically walk in sexual purity. (TOP SECRET).

Why I stop dating?

Dating is not a divine command; but sexual purity is.

Choosing not to engage in dating relationship is not a sin; but sexual immorality is a sin and wickedness.

A lot of young growing Christian have ask me questions like, “Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?” “I want to live a pure life sexually but I love my girlfriend. Can I keep her and still achieve my desire?”

Your Decision in life will determine your direction

Your direction will determine your destiny.

Let me share with you some few challenges I faced while I was dating that made me to give up such relationship experience.

1.      It creates a strong doorway to sexual immorality. Dating is the most popular medium that has lead many young people into falling into sexual temptation. Dating relationship is more of romance and kissing than more of pep talks. It promotes the spirit of lust more than the spirit of love among young people.  I was not ready to disappoint God, dishonor my body and fail in my quest to attain sexual purity. The pressure to have sex was too much I could handle. I had to make a decision. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE IT WAS A BIG THREAT TO MY SEXUAL PURITY DREAM!!!

2.      It demands commitment, faithfulness and responsibility. Young people must be aware of these traits if they must succeed in dating relationship. In dating, it demands you always spend time alone with your partner. Both of you would like to hangout in some cool places and try to make the relationship romantic and sweet. The demands of dating created a serious distraction to my life, to my service to God and my career as a growing youth. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I WANTED TO STAY FOCUS AND MAKE PROGRESS IN LIFE!

3.      It can lead to heart break and emotional bondage. When your dating relationship does not have sense of direction, it will definitely lead to disaster and heartbreak. You need to know that dating is not friendship, neither is it courtship. So, you must make your intentions clear to your partner. Long dating will only lead to confusion, bondage and stagnation. Please we must not play with people’s heart. It is delicate. Do not give your partner false hopes and leave he/she empty. Don’t date to experiment like me. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO BREAK ANY PERSON’S HEART!

I want you to understand something here. I am speaking from my personal experience I had with three girls I dated. But I am not telling you that because I failed you will also fail. No. I am not also telling to make a decision to follow my path. No.

LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR:

The problem of sexual immorality is not dating; it is spirit of lust.

Dating is not a sin; sexual immorality is.

Just because I quit dating doesn’t mean it is evil.

But I want you to think about these things seriously.

There is a great challenge in walking in sexual purity and keeping your date as a young person.

You may think you are so wise and strong and you are handle every demand and pressure that comes you way. Congratulation, you are better than me—go ahead!!!

But if you think we are on the same page… I mean if you believe you can’t handle the pressure and demand that comes with dating, you can follow my path. Please do not let dating destroy your relationship with God just because you want to satisfy your emotions.

If you feel that it is a threat to your walk in sexual purity, please do not hesitate to quit like me.

To me; my decision to stop dating and pursue sexual purity was perhaps the best decision I have made as a youth/single.

I am not saying that when you don’t do dating, you will be free from sexual temptation. (Far from it). Of course, I know very well that if you do not fornicate in dating, you can still be tempted to masturbate when you are alone.

This lesson is not to give you a conclusion, but to lay a strong foundation for right reasoning and wise decision making.

Remember…

Pursue after sexual purity and be ready to do whatever it takes to embrace her.

Rufus Yamoah

Sexual Morality Counselor

The Truth About Fingering Sex

“Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves”. – Romans 1:24

The act of Fingering is a sexual activity is so common among teens and young adults.

In fact, it is said that, according to some reports, many Christians would strongly refuse to engage in sexual intercourse, but will willingly accept the pleasure of Fingering Sex.

So; what then is FINGERING?          

                                              

Fingering is a simple term, is a sexual act whereby a person places one or several fingers inside someone’s vaginal or anus to give sexual stimulation or satisfaction.

Some facts about Fingering Sex are that:

It is a more common sexual practice for lesbians.

It is a one sided affair when it comes to sexual pleasure. (Girls are mainly fingered by boys)

It is also a practice for masturbation.

The Power of Thought

It is true that the battle of sex and sexuality is a battle of the mind. Our sexual behaviors and actions is mostly connected, influenced and driven by our SEXUAL BELIEF SYSTEM.

What do people who engage in Fingering Sex thinks?

They think it is more enjoyable… (This is crazy)

They think it is safer… (True; perhaps no unwanted pregnancy)

They think it preserves their virginity… (Gush! fat lie)

They think it is a holy alternative to avoid sexual intercourse and still satisfy their sexual passion… (Funny; this belief is common among many young Christians)

Really…You Need to Know the Truth That Will Blow Your Mind

1.      You are not a virgin if you are engaging in fingering sex. (Sound hard, right?). You see, a lot of people who practice this sexual activity think it is an escape route from losing their virginity but never know that it is rather a fast-lane to losing their pride and dignity. Listen; if you think that virginity is only lost when a person engage in sexual intercourse, then you are probably living in ‘Disney World’ and you know nothing about sexual purity and morality. Vagina fingering is medically called digital penetration of the vagina. When this is done roughly, it can lead to breaking of the hymen, thereby losing your virginity. (Maybe you need to carry out your own research!). Of a truth, people are destroyed because of lack of knowledge. (Hosea 4:6).

2.      Medically speaking and health precaution, it may not be good for teens and their physical development. It can cause irritation in the sensitive genital area. Also, remember that unwashed hands can transfer germs when fingering. This can cause vaginal infection. Be careful.

3.      You must understand that every form of sexual pleasure and satisfaction that is not derived within the context of a man and his wife is sinful and immoral before God. As a Single/Youth, you must offer your body as a living sacrifice, but if you want sexual pleasure you should go and get married in other to fulfill your sexual urge. (Please check Romans 12:1, 1 Corinthians 7:1) FULL STOP!

4.      Fingering Sex, such as masturbation, is influenced by an unclean spirit. Unclean spirit is the enemy of our sexual purity walk and it causes us to dishonor our body. It can cause us to become addictive to fingering sex. Unclean spirit always makes us to become sexually dirty, carnal and selfish. In this junction, we must resist and overcome by prayers and feeding on the Word of God which is able to clean and pure.

5.      Fingering Sex can also be seen as sexual compromise. Christian boys and girls are compromising their stand for truth and holiness when they engage in this sexual activity. They see fingering sex as a holy alternative to quench the fire of their sexual urge without hurting God. (After all, there is no place it is written in the Bible that it is wrong!). Listen; if you think fingering sex is the water that will cool off your sexual fire…please think twice!!! (I am speaking from experience!)

6.      Fingering Sex can also be classified as sexual manipulation. By this I mean—for the guys— if you know that you don’t want to have sexual intercourse with a lady, there is absolutely no point trying to arouse or stimulate her sexually. And also—for the ladies/girls—if you don’t want to have sexual intercourse with a guy, don’t let him finger you for your sexual satisfaction. (Note: A guy can be fingered through his anus. Horrible!). Manipulation is wickedness and selfishness. It is an enemy of love.

My Advice…

You want to know my candid advice for people who engage in fingering sex?

CUT OFF YOUR FINGERS!

You heard me well…I said cut off your fingers or if possible your hands. After all, Jesus also gave that same counsel (Matthew 5:27-30).

I found out that, people who do not hands cannot practice fingering sex. Well, for those of us who have hands and not know what to do with them…maybe you should take my advice and cut off those fingers. (What a JOKE!)

I AM JUST KIDDING…

Seriously, if our aim is to walk in sexual purity, we must discipline ourselves and stop this practice.  Less I forget…I SAY I TOLD YOU TO CUT OFF YOUR HANDS…but please change your heart!!!

Live in freedom and victory…Walk in sexual purity.

Rufus Yamoah

Sexual Morality Counselor

How to Deal With Rape and Sexual Molestation

BIBLE TEXT: GENESIS 34

Memory Verse: “He sent forth His Word and healed them; and delivered them from their destruction”. (Psalm 107:20)

                                                             

We are living in a world where corruption has been branded civilization; where sexual immorality is considered cultural modernization and violence and wickedness has become the trusted tool to gain quick wealth, fame and power.

In this article, we will be addressing a serious issue that has paralyzed our world and destroy the lives of many young and old. That issue is RAPE AND SEXUAL MOLESTATION.

Before we go deeper into this important topic, we want first and foremost get the definition of terms and meanings.

What is RAPE?

The word ‘RAPE’ is derived from the Latin word ‘rapere’ meaning to ‘to snatch; to grab, to carry off”.

Rape is a sexual violence or crime usually involving sexual intercourse or any other form of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person’s consent.

What is SEXUAL MOLESTATION?

Sexual molestation, better known as Sexual assault, is a sexual misconduct whereby a person uses his/her position to compel or stimulate an adult or child to engage in unwanted sexual activity by means of harassment, threat or punishment.

THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF RAPE

“And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, Prince of the Country, saw her, she took her, and lay with her, and defiled her”. (Genesis 34: 1 & 2)

This story is one of the saddest in the entire Bible. The experience of rape is not an experience anyone would ever wish to have a taste. It is as terrible as death itself.

Dinah never knew that she would be raped on that fateful day. She just wanted to socialize with her acquaintance. Like so many rape victims all over the world, many had this horrible experience of rape while on relationship dating; some were raped by their blood relative, even some by their spouse. Some were raped when they were little as a child; some during war, some while in prison; some were raped by an individual, while some by a group of gangsters.

Let me share with you some of the bad effects of rape/molestation can cause in the lives of its victims:

1.       Serious Guilt and Self-blamed

2.       Low self-esteem and image

3.       Negative Imaginations and Nightmares

4.       Sexual dysfunction

5.       Post- traumatic stress disorder

6.       Depression

7.       Mental illness

8.       Physical injury

9.       Suicidal ideation (attempt killing of self)

10.   Sexual transmitted infections

11.   Unwanted pregnancy.

Listen to me; whatever your case may be. Whether you are a victim or you know of someone who has been sexually molested…I have a word from the Lord for you.

A WORD OF EMPOWERMENT FOR YOU

Are you a rapist or you simply like to take advantage of your authority, physical strength or cleverness to molest, compel or stimulate others’ sexually?

Or maybe, like Dinah, you have being raped/sexually molested once or perhaps many times…

IT IS NOT OVER WITH YOU.

Simeon and Levi, brothers of Dinah, decided to take matters to their hands. According to the story in Genesis 34, they decided to kill every male personality in the community.

But here is the plain truth: Revenge is never a solution for rape even when it seems like the heart-driving option. Killing can never bring healing or restoration to the soul.

I have the sure Answer.

No long sermon. JESUS is the Answer. The Holy Spirit is the Answer. Our Father God is the Answer. The Word of God has the Answer.

John chapter 10 verses 10 say, “the thief cometh not, but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly”.

Ø  To the rapist: JESUS CAME TO SAVE SINNERS… (Matthew 9:13)

Ø  To the rape victim: JESUS CAME TO HEAL THE BROKEN HEARTED…(Psalm 147:3)

Steps To Take To Receive Freedom

1.       Ask the Lord Jesus for forgiveness and cleansing for your spirit, soul and body.

2.       Forgive whoever raped you or harassed you sexually. Let go every form of bitterness, vengeance, hatred in your heart in the Name of Jesus.

3.       Use the Blood of Jesus to uproot every deposit the devil has invested in your life as a result of such experience.

4.       Bind, cast and destroy every demonic attack, curse and oppression confronting you as a result of the ugly experience.

5.       Be ready to start a new spiritual journey and life with the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

6.       Healing is a process. You need to make the word of God your best companion and also have a good and godly Counselor who will guide you in such a time.

To your victory,

Rufus Yamoah
Sex Morality Counselor